How to Leave Someone You Love but Isn’t Good for You

Letting go someone you love can be one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face. It’s a messy, emotional, confusing, and scary process.

Many have come to us for love and relationship guidance over the years. But, most who wanted to end a toxic relationship approached us with the same question:

Why is it so hard to leave someone?

Leaving someone you love is hard because it involves dealing with emotions, memories, and the fear of the unknown. You might be trapped between how you feel about your partner and the painful realization that the relationship isn’t serving your well-being. Love can cloud judgment, making it tough to separate feelings from reality.

But hey…it’s totally okay to feel that way.

You’re not a bad person for wanting to fix things and be happy again, nor a horrible partner for recognizing a relationship isn’t good for you.

As the good folks at OurMindfulLife say:

“Sometimes you need to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve”

And that’s exactly what we want to help you with…

How to leave someone you love but isn’t good for you. Going through the grieving process while maintaining your sense of self-love and emotional space.

It all starts with identifying your WHY.

Why You Want to Let Go of the Person You Love

Deciding to break up with someone you love is a deeply personal and complex choice. A choice leading to a gradual process that requires a lot of self-honesty and courage.

Our advice is to start by looking deep within yourself and ask the question…

“Why am I really doing this?”

You must recognize the reasons behind your decision. Are they coming from a desire for self-care or the realization that the relationship is unhealthy?

Our article “Is Love a Commitment, a Choice, or Just a Feeling?” may help you answer this question.

Untangle the Strings That Are Holding You Back

Have you tried saving your dying relationship? If you did and it didn’t work, the first step is to ask yourself why you’re holding on. That’s the approach we always use, and it works.

Are you holding on out of fear or out of obligation?

Is it because you believe this is right for your partner?

Do you feel guilty even though this person isn’t good for you?

Do you think you’ll be alone forever if you don’t make it work?

And if it’s the latter, we want you to remember that while some people never find love, you’ve done it…that means you can do it again.

Face the Monster Under Your Bed

Next, you must realize what you’re most afraid of. Here are a few examples from our sessions with people in your situation. Think about the following:

Are you afraid of what your friends and family will think and say?

Are you petrified of not knowing how you’ll pay your bills?

Does the thought of moving out or where you’ll live terrify you?

There might be many other scary thoughts in your head, like will you get a chance to find true love again. But you shouldn’t let them put you down. There is something else you need to do instead…ask yourself:

Are these fears real, or are they just a manifestation of your own low self-esteem?

Is your partner fueling these fears, or are they just a reflection of your inner demons?

Consider the Domino Effect on Both You and Your Partner

Now, we’re not asking you to stay in an unhealthy relationship, but you need to think about your partner’s future too.

We want you to look at the bigger picture.

First, how will ending things affect you? Will it make you a happier person in the long run? Or will it continue to drain the life out of you?

Then, is your relationship healthy for your partner? Are you helping each other grow as people, or are you holding each other back?

When you take the time to consider the consequences of a breakup, you’ll be able to see more clearly what the right decision is for everyone involved.

But there is another thing we recommend you do before making the difficult decision to leave someone you love.

Evaluating the Relationship by Being Objective

When it comes to love, it’s easy to get caught up in the romance and ignore the red flags. That has been the case with many who come to us to help them heal from broken heart and find renewal.

So, ask yourself: How good is this relationship?

Communication, trust, and support are the pillars of a strong relationship. When was the last time you and your significant other had a real, in-depth conversation about your feelings?

Do you feel heard and understood, or do you often feel frustrated?

We know this may be something you aren’t aware of, but it’s important to consider if you’ve been faithful to each other. In other words, if you feel secure in the relationship.

And lastly, think about any patterns or issues plaguing your relationship.

We’re sure there are some, but have you worked on those and seen any progress? Is it your partner’s behavior that’s toxic, or are there things you’re doing that are poisoning it?

The bottom line is this…ask yourself:

Does this relationship meet my emotional, physical, and spiritual needs? Do I feel validated and cherished?

If the answer is NO…you’re ready for the next move.

Preparing Yourself for the Breakup

It’s time to get real and admit what you need to upgrade in your life to make it worth living.

You must be radically honest about your relationship. Look at it for what it is, and don’t sugarcoat it. Don’t confuse your relationship with your perception of it.

Is it perfect? Of course not…otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this.

We’re sure it has its moments, but are those moments enough to overlook some major red flags?

You might have heard the famous Daphne Rose Kingma’s quote:

“Holding on is believing that there’s a past. Letting go is knowing that there’s a future”

Take a hard look in the mirror and imagine your life if you raised your standards and were in a healthy relationship with someone good for you.

Someone you can create and maintain happiness with.

Give yourself permission to have your needs met on a higher level, but take some time to figure out what that means…what it takes to feel happy and fulfilled in a relationship?

Is it space to pursue your passions?

Is it trust, care, and intimacy?

Is it someone who supports your dreams?

Once you’re fully aware of your needs, it’s time to make it happen.

Overcoming the Obstacles When Leaving Someone

To be honest with you, most people we’ve dealt with get stuck when ending a relationship. Especially if a part of them still loves the partner or they have a strong psychic connection.

Leaving a relationship requires you to dig deep within yourself and find your inner strength.

That can be a scary place to be…it means facing your resilience head-on.

One of the biggest obstacles is the fear of being alone. But are you really afraid to be alone? Or are you scared of the unknown?

Let us tell you that those are two very different things.

Being alone can be okay, and it can even be a great time to focus on yourself.

Fearing the unknown is another story…you have no idea what the future holds.

When you focus on the unknown, you’ll see that your fear of being alone is not as scary as you think. In fact, you might be surprised at how okay you are on your own.

You also need to prepare yourself for the leaving process.

We are not talking just about the logistics…how you’re going to take care of yourself, your home, and your kids (if applicable).

You must be ready to deal with the emotional aftermath and don’t have to do this alone.

There are so many resources available to you. From your best friend to therapists, support groups, and psychic readings with love experts.

Moving Forward with Your Life

If you’ve gone through all the steps, it’s time to realize it’s OVER!

The only reason to look back should be to reflect on the time spent with your ex-partner and set healthier boundaries for future relationships.

Your main focus now is rebuilding your life.

Begin by acknowledging your emotions and allowing yourself to grieve the end of the relationship. This is a normal part of the healing process.

Stay true to yourself and prioritize everything that brings you joy. This approach will also allow you to attract love in your life again when the time is right.

And if you need a piece of advice or guidance through the whole process of leaving someone…our love experts are here to help.

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