Men and Intimacy: What You Need to Know as a Woman

Understanding men and intimacy is like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces.

We’ve spoken with thousands of women who struggle to figure out why their boyfriends or husbands seem emotionally distant or physically withdrawn.

On the other hand, our gifted psychics sometimes counsel men who share their authentic perspectives on intimacy. Good guys who have truly opened up.

And what they’ve shared helped us write this article.

You’ll discover why men behave the way they do when it comes to physical and emotional closeness. You’ll learn practical ways to create deeper connections with your partner and how to communicate your needs without triggering withdrawal.

By the end, you’ll have a roadmap for building the kind of intimate relationships that fulfill both you and your partner.

Let’s start by understanding what intimacy means to men…it might be different from what you expect.

What Does Intimacy Mean to Men?

Men don’t look at intimacy as just one thing. It’s not only about sex, though sex is one way they experience intimacy, but about a deeper connection that can happen in many ways. Something that often gets overlooked. For many men, intimacy means deep conversations or physical touch. Some guys can find it in solving problems together, watching TV in comfortable silence, or simply laughing at a joke.

You might be shocked if we tell you that emotional closeness is among the things men want from women the most.

Yes, this goes against everything society teaches us about male sexual desire. However, our sessions reveal that physical intimacy often serves as the gateway to emotional connection for men, not the other way around.

When men feel emotionally supported and accepted without judgment, they’re more likely to open up than when directly asked about their feelings.

A paradox that frustrates many women who want their partners to express themselves more freely.

Why Do Men Lose Interest in Physical Intimacy?

While we aren’t sex therapists, the loss of interest in physical intimacy is a concern many bring to our readings. Physical closeness is deeply intertwined with emotional connection, so we feel it’s important to address this aspect of relationships.

Men sometimes experience a natural drop in sexual desire after the physical act. Their bodies undergo changes in brain chemistry following intimacy that can temporarily reduce interest in further connection. It’s a biological response, known as the “Coolidge Effect,” as discussed in Shane Kohler’s article.

Health problems, aging, workplace stress, and hormonal fluctuations can all take a significant toll on a man’s sexual desire. We’ve spoken with men who felt ashamed about their decreased interest, not realizing these factors were affecting them on a physical level.

Relationship issues frequently lie at the heart of intimacy problems.

When trust erodes, communication breaks down, or emotional distance grows, men may withdraw physically as a reflection of their emotional state. In our readings, men have shared that they feel less drawn to physical intimacy when they don’t feel respected by the women in their lives.

Some men react to feeling emotionally unsupported by seeking attention elsewhere or creating distance. We aren’t saying that this is an excuse for cheating, but keeping it in mind can help you address the underlying issues in your relationship before they reach this point.

Why Do Men Struggle With Emotional Intimacy?

You see, men aren’t born struggling with emotional expression; they’re taught to suppress it. We’ve counseled guys who desperately want to connect emotionally but don’t know how. The challenge isn’t that men lack feelings, but that they’ve been conditioned to hide them.

Most boys grow up hearing phrases like “man up” or “boys don’t cry.”

And the truth is, these messages don’t disappear in adulthood. Similar to mommy issues, they transform into deep-seated patterns that affect relationships. When your partner seems emotionally distant, he’s often fighting against years of societal programming.

Here are the main reasons men struggle with emotional openness:

Fear of judgment – Many men worry their partners will think less of them if they show vulnerability or uncertainty.

Lack of emotional vocabulary – Boys typically receive less coaching on naming and expressing emotions, leaving them with fewer tools to communicate feelings later on.

Protection mechanism – Some guys believe withholding emotions shields both themselves and their partners from pain.

Misinterpreting emotional needs – Men often think solving practical problems is what their partners want, missing the desire for emotional connection.

Previous rejection – If a man has been criticized or dismissed when sharing feelings in the past, he’s likely to avoid that risk again.

The path to emotional intimacy isn’t straightforward for most men. They need to unlearn harmful patterns while building new skills. We’ve witnessed quite a few transformations when men realize emotional awareness isn’t a weakness but a strength.

Women often assume men are trying to play them or avoid emotional intimacy because they don’t care, but our readings reveal the opposite is usually true.

Men care deeply, but express it differently and fear doing it wrong. Understanding these differences can be the first step toward creating a relationship where both partners feel secure enough to be emotionally open.

How to Encourage Your Man to Share His Feelings?

Helping men become more emotionally open is an ongoing journey for many couples. As a woman, you need to make sure he feels emotionally supported and safe. Sometimes, this means telling him you feel safe first. We’ve also seen that showing understanding rather than pushing for true feelings right away is effective.

Here are a few things you can try:

» Be patient and try to step into his shoes

» Avoid judging or criticizing your man

» Share your feelings to model openness

» Respect his style of emotional expression

Last year, we worked with a 47-year-old teacher. Ana reached out because her husband hadn’t shared anything deeper than work frustrations in their 15 years of marriage. She was desperate for real intimacy.

We guided Ana to create what’s called “low-pressure moments” – short walks where she’d share one feeling without expecting a response. Here is how the story continued, according to Ana.

After six weeks, during a simple dinner at home, her husband suddenly mentioned feeling inadequate as a father. She fought her urge to probe deeper and simply thanked him for sharing.

That tiny moment changed everything, Ana shares.

Her husband now regularly discusses his feelings about their family, though still in his own way…while doing something with his hands. What matters is that Ana tells us their marriage finally has the depth she wanted.

How to Tell Him You Need a More Intimate Relationship?

We know very well that if you fear rejection or misunderstanding, asking for more intimacy seems risky. Under these circumstances, trying to challenge your man isn’t a good idea. How you approach this conversation determines whether your partner opens up or shuts down completely.

Timing matters tremendously

Bringing up your need for deeper connection while he’s stressed or tired from everyday life typically leads nowhere. So, choose a moment when you’re both relaxed and neither of you feels rushed or defensive.

Frame your needs as feelings, not criticisms

“You never talk to me” will make him defensive. You can try “I feel lonely sometimes” instead. Our practice shows that when you express what you need without blaming, guys are far more likely to respond positively.

Be specific about what intimacy means to you

Many relationships suffer because partners define intimacy differently. Does intimacy mean quality time together, more meaningful conversations, or perhaps a physical touch? Tell him exactly what would make you feel more connected.

After expressing your needs, give him time to process and respond. Men need it to formulate their thoughts about emotional topics.

Acknowledge the efforts he already makes. Express gratitude for the ways he does show up, even if they’re different from what you ultimately desire.

If the conversation becomes tense, take a step back. Explore other ways to share your unmet needs and revisit the topic when emotions have settled.

Can Our Psychics Help You Deal With a Lack of Intimacy?

Our gifted psychics offer a unique perspective on intimate relationships that differs from the approaches of mental health professionals.

We connect with the energies surrounding your relationship to uncover hidden patterns and influences.

A love and relationship psychic expert can sense emotional blockages your partner may not even recognize himself.

Unlike traditional couple therapists, we don’t need both partners present to identify the underlying causes of emotional distance or diminished physical intimacy.

We can tune into your relationship dynamics through our connection with you alone. All you have to do is give us a call from the comfort of your home.

Ready to discover the path toward the intimate relationship you crave?

Take advantage of our new client special today!

10 minutes for only $10.

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Let’s Answer a Few More Questions We Often Get Asked

Some men see intimacy in ways that may be shaped by upbringing, personal experiences, or cultural expectatons. Below are some other questions collected from our readings.

How do men view intimacy differently from women?

Where women might prioritize verbal emotional sharing, men often experience closeness through shared activities, physical touch, and solving problems together. Many men feel deeply connected when working alongside their partner toward common goals or engaging in quality time without necessarily discussing feelings directly.

Are men actually afraid of emotional intimacy?

Rather than assuming men fear emotional intimacy, recognize they might fear the consequences of vulnerability. Most men aren’t scared of closeness itself, but rather concerned about rejection, judgment, or appearing weak if they open up.

What should you never say to a man about intimacy?

When talking to your man about intimacy, it’s best to avoid comparisons to other men, ultimatums, or statements that shame his emotional capabilities. Phrases like “you should know how I feel” or “why can’t you be more sensitive” typically shut down communication rather than encourage it.