Moving Forward When You Love Someone You Can’t Have
Loving someone you can’t be with creates a heartache that can take over your entire life.
We understand how consuming these feelings become when your love remains unreciprocated or impossible. You wake up thinking about this person, go to sleep with their image in your mind, and spend countless hours wondering “What if.”
The pain is real, and so is the path to healing!
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting, but reclaiming your happiness and opening yourself to new possibilities with the right person.
Guiding women through different love and relationship challenges for decades, we’ve seen what happens when they get stuck loving someone they can’t have.
Before we get to the actual process, we want to make sure you understand why finding a way forward matters so much.
What Happens When You Love Someone You Can’t Have
Loving someone you can’t have triggers a cascade of emotional turmoil that affects nearly every aspect of your life and influences your state of well-being. This unrequited love can gradually drain your energy, damage your self-esteem, and prevent you from recognizing potential partners who might return your feelings.
When women facing such a challenge call for help, our gifted psychics witness how their deep emotions for someone unavailable have left them feeling stuck in a painful holding pattern. Their minds have become preoccupied with the thoughts of this person. And that makes it difficult to find happiness in any area of their life.
Many describe how they’ve put their own lives on pause. They’ve turned down social invitations and neglected self-care while waiting for a change that may never come. Their connections with friends and family members suffer as conversations repeatedly circle back to that “only person.”
The most concerning pattern we notice is how this fixation can steal months or even years from your life.
That said, it’s best to accept this unreciprocated love. Then, start spending time building meaningful connections with someone else who might be destined for you.
How to Move Forward and Find Peace
We’ll share the story of a recent client to illustrate the process of healing from being in love with someone you can’t have. Rose, a 38-year-old teacher, called us very upset last spring. She had just discovered her best friend had gotten engaged to someone else.
For almost a decade, Rose was romantically attracted to him and quietly loved him, convinced that one day he would realize they were meant to be together.
“I feel like I’ve wasted my entire life waiting for someone who never saw me the same way,” she confided during our first session. The pain felt unbearable…she couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and found herself crying in her car during lunch breaks at work.
Let’s walk through the steps we took with Rose to help her find peace and open her heart to attract new love into her life.
Accept the Reality of Your Situation
The first step toward healing is accepting the truth of your situation, no matter how painful it feels. When you’re in love with someone who doesn’t return your feelings or can’t be with you for other reasons, hope is your worst enemy.
You might cling to small signs or moments that seem to indicate there’s still a chance, even when all evidence points to the contrary. Accepting reality doesn’t mean you stop loving the person. The idea is to stop expecting your relationship with them to transform into something it’s not.
When Rose first reached out to us, she was still holding onto the belief that her friend would call off his engagement once he “realized his mistake.”
During our sessions, we gently helped her see the patterns in their friendship. We asked her to list the times he had clearly indicated he saw her as a friend only. It was difficult, but eye-opening for her.
“I guess I’ve been ignoring what he’s been telling me for years.”
This acceptance didn’t happen overnight. Rose spent almost two weeks journaling about their past interactions, allowing herself to see the relationship for what it truly was. The turning point came when she finally told herself:
“He doesn’t love me that way, and no amount of waiting will change that.”
Feel Your Grief Without Judgment
The next vital step is allowing yourself to fully experience the grief that follows. Whether it’s the loss of a potential relationship or the loss of hope you’ve carried…this loss is real.
Many women tell us they feel silly grieving someone they “never actually had,” but unrequited love comes with genuine heartbreak that deserves to be honored. So, don’t think your feelings are foolish or melodramatic…they’re a natural response to losing something precious to you.
Give yourself permission to feel sad, angry, or disappointed. Having these emotions is normal.
Rose initially tried to “power through” her pain, telling herself she shouldn’t be so upset about someone who was “just a friend.” During our fourth session, we noticed how she dismissed her own feelings, saying things like:
“I know I shouldn’t still be crying about this. It’s pathetic to be this upset.”
We encouraged Rose to treat herself with the same compassion she would show a friend in her situation. We suggested she set aside 15 minutes each day dedicated to feeling her emotions fully – whether that meant crying, writing in her journal, or simply sitting quietly with her grief.
Here is what she told us later:
“The first few times I did this, I sobbed until I couldn’t breathe. But after a week, something shifted. I started feeling lighter afterward like I was actually processing the unnecessary pain instead of just carrying it around.”
By giving her emotions space and validity, Rose began to move on. The tears didn’t stop immediately, but they became less consuming as she allowed them to flow without judgment.
Break the Pattern of Obsessive Thoughts
When you love someone but can’t be with them, your mind generates a continuous loop of thoughts about that person. Replaying conversations, imagining scenarios, or questioning what went wrong takes control of your days and nights, making it nearly impossible to focus on anything else.
Breaking this cycle is essential for your mental health and well-being. We don’t mean forcing yourself to never think about the person again, because it usually backfires. Instead, try gently redirecting your attention when you notice your mind wandering down familiar, painful paths.
Rose described how thoughts of her friend consumed her:
“I check his social media at least twenty times a day.”
“I analyze every interaction we’ve had looking for clues that he might have feelings for me.”
“Sometimes I catch myself having imaginary conversations with him in my head.”
We worked with Rose to develop a three-step approach to interrupt these patterns.
First, we helped her become aware of when she was slipping into obsessive thinking by setting hourly check-ins on her phone.
Second, we encouraged her to verbally acknowledge the thought without judgment: “I’m thinking about him again, and that’s okay.”
Finally, we gave her specific activities to redirect her attention – calling a family member, working on a painting, or taking a short walk.
Rose also decided to take a break from social media, which she later described as “like taking off a pair of too-tight shoes I didn’t realize were hurting me.” After three weeks of practicing this approach, she noticed she could go several hours without thinking about him.
“The thoughts still come, but they don’t stay as long, and they don’t hurt quite as much.”
Rediscover Who You Are Without Them
We’ve witnessed how women spending a long time focused on someone who doesn’t give back the same feelings, lose touch with parts of themselves that existed before this love took center stage. Personal interests, dreams, and needs get pushed aside when you’re preoccupied with another person.
This step involves reconnecting with your identity outside of your feelings for them.
The question isn’t just “Who am I without them?” but more importantly, “Who was I before them, and who do I want to become now?” This rediscovery process helps fill the emotional gap that was previously occupied by thoughts of your love interest.
During our sixth session, Rose realized she had abandoned many activities she once enjoyed. We asked Rose to make a list of everything she enjoyed before her feelings for her friend became so central to her life.
Her list included painting, swimming, book club meetings, and a few other things she had gradually set aside. We suggested she commit to one activity each week from this list. A couple of weeks later, Rose sent us a photo of a landscape she had painted…her first in nearly two years.
“I forgot how it feels to lose track of time doing something I love. For three hours, I didn’t think about him once.”
Open Yourself to New Possibilities
The final step in moving forward is allowing new people and experiences into your life. Now, we don’t suggest rushing into a new relationship and avoiding major first date red flags. The goal is to remove that invisible “reserved” sign you’ve placed on your heart.
By loving someone you can’t be with for a long time, you unconsciously close yourself off to other connections. Opening up again requires courage, but it also brings the promise of finding a decent man who can return your feelings fully.
Like many other women we’ve worked with, Rose initially resisted this step:
“I can’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else.”
We didn’t push her to date, but instead suggested she practice being more present in all her interactions. We encouraged her to notice the people already in her life and be open to new friendships.
Three months after our first call, Rose shared a surprising update.
“I went to a book club meeting, I mentioned, and I’ve made two new friends. One of them invited me to a dinner party where I met someone interesting. We’ve only had coffee once, but for the first time in years, I felt a spark with someone who might actually feel the same way.”
Our Final Thoughts
Your heart has an amazing capacity to heal and love again.
If you’re struggling with feelings for someone you can’t have, remember Rose’s journey. The path forward isn’t straight or easy, but each step brings you closer to the happiness you deserve.
Our gifted love expert psychics are here to guide you through this process whenever you’re ready to begin your own healing journey. And if you only need some clarity or a piece of advice, give us a call today.
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